Hello!

If you are reading this, you are someone with whom I have decided to share some personal news. While it may be a surprise, I am, and have always been, a transgender woman. I am writing the page to help communicate what that means.

I am transgender

When I was born, my gender was chosen for me based on the outward physical appearance. However, that assigned gender does not match with the person I am inside. I am transgender. This means my gender identity does not match with society’s view of my physical sex.

I am a woman

Words have specific meanings and it is important to be clear. I am a woman. This means my gender, the social, cultural and behavioral norms which I associate with, match those of cisgender (ie. non-transgender) women regardless of my physical characteristics at birth.

My name is Jessica

To match my feminine persona, I am changing my name to Jessica. I never disliked my given name but it simply does not suit me going forward. I have already started the process of legally changing my name and hope to complete that process in the coming months.

One thing I like about my new name is the multitude of informal nicknames that can be associated with it. “Jess” is one of my favorites.

My pronouns are she/her

Again to pair with my feminine persona, I wish people to use the pronouns “she” and “her” when referring to me in the third voice. While I recognize habits over the years are difficult to break, hearing myself referred to using masculine pronouns not only feels hurtful, it makes me feel unsafe and unwelcome. As such, I ask you to make the effort to use “she” and “her” even when I’m not around to hear so it will be that much easier to do when I am around.

I am working to present my true feminine self

I am starting to dress and display my femininity for the outside world to see. The common terminology for this is transitioning … as in transitioning from presenting male to female. As part of this I am also undertaking hormone replacement therapy in which I take female hormones such as estrogen to help develop secondary characteristics so my physical appearance more closely matches my gender. Over time this will, with luck, help alleviate the dysphoria I feel when looking at myself and seeing someone other than the woman I am.

This is not something sudden

I’m certain this news will be a surprise to many, but this is not anything sudden that occurred. I didn’t suddenly become transgender. I was born transgender, it simply has taken me this long to both recognize it myself and find the comfort and security where I can share this with others. As you might understand, society is not always open to people that are different and being transgender is not an easy thing to admit. That said, once you understand you are transgender, it is impossible to ignore.

I am the same person you have always known

I am still the person you have known. It is just I am sharing a part of me that I have long kept hidden from others (and for a long time, myself). I still enjoy the same interests as before (and have more that I now feel comfortable expressing).

That said, as I open up my gender for all to see, I will behave differently in some scenarios. Throughout my life I have lived through awkward situations where I felt forced to “be a man” and it is draining to play that character when you wish otherwise. You will, in time, see a new me … but it is a more genuine me than you may have known.

FAQ

In anticipation of some common questions, I have included the following FAQs:

What about your old name, J____?

If you reading this, most likely you have known be under another name. While I was deliberate in my choice of my new name to keep the same initials, the old name no longer has any positive meaning to me. Within the transgender community we refer to former names as deadnames and find it hurtful and even offensive to be referred to by that name, even when referring to me in the past.

You did not know me “back when I was J____”. Please don’t refer to me in that manner. Of course, mistakes may happen as you adjust and I understand. I ask you to understand my wishes and act accordingly.

Are you a transsexual?

Transsexual is a dated term that is often viewed as a slur among the community. I am a transgender woman … or more accurately I am a woman. No need for any additional terms that only will risk negative responses.

Are you going to have surgery?

Transgender men and women have a number of procedures that allow them to modify their physical appearance to better match their gender. These are important tools for remedying the intense psychological strain that comes from living as one gender when you are another. What choices I make in this regard are personal decisions that are not worthy topics of general discussion, in public or in private. I ask you to respect my privacy and don’t ask.

Why are you doing this now?

There is a common proverb, “The best time to plant a tree is twenty years ago. The next best time is now”. I would have loved to have the clarity and understanding to realize this about myself and to come out as a teenager or young adult (it would have made many things easier), but that was not the case. It has only been in the past few years that I have realized I am transgender. In the time since that internal realization, there has been much introspection about how to live the life I wish and deserve in my remaining years. So better now than never.

What about Cathleen?

Cathleen is my life partner and has been for quite some time. Almost two years ago, I faced the hardest challenge yet in opening up to her about being transgender. I felt I was risking losing everything if she reacted negatively. Those who know Cathleen will not be surprised to know she is fully in support of my transition.

How can I support you?

The best support I can receive is for my friends and family to accept me as I am.